self medicate

i don't use my name because i dont want you to find me. i dont show my face because i dont want you to see me. i dont speak, in fear of my thoughts you'll hear. i dont listen in case your thoughts i will ponder. i don't wake up because of the day i sneer. i dont go out because i drink way too much beer. so instead i self medicate, battling it all. instead i stay wrapped up in that bed dreading, feeling so small. you can find me bawling and howling, screaming and shouting, up and down that hallway grieving i fall. i tell no one and show not a soul. because of the fright i cry fighting it all. one after another, down they go. settling and mending, fixing the spill. my leak is blocked by only just one little pill. and i dont want to go anywhere because i dont want them to see. but everyone knows it and everyone sees it. to me it's just another disease in which might cause the deceased. to me its just a feeling gone past. like blood that is dripping too much too fast. there's no way to stop it. no way to help. so you let it drip, and drip, and drip until your dead and all dried up with nothing left felt.